When Things Are Hard

I’ve felt like I needed to write about a rather serious and personal topic. So I’m just going to jump in…

Last month I had a mental breakdown.

I wanted to make sure I wasn’t over-exaggerating on the “mental breakdown” thing. So I looked it up.

Here’s what I found:

A mental breakdown (also known as a nervous breakdown) is an acute, time-limited mental disorder that manifests primarily as severe stress-induced depression, anxiety, or dissociation in a previously functional individual, to the extent that they are no longer able to function on a day-to-day basis until the disorder is resolved. A mental/nervous breakdown is defined by its temporary nature and often closely tied to psychological burnout, severe overwork, sleep deprivation, and similar stressors, which may combine to temporarily overwhelm an individual with otherwise sound mental functions.

I got this definition from Wikipedia, which, depending on the college class, may or may not be a reputable source. I am using it as a reputable source…take it or leave it.

The truth is, I have put myself under immense stress for a prolonged period of time. I have been overworked {of my own accord}, I have been sleep deprived {I have a newborn, it stands to reason}, and I have been playing the role of the strong person for a very long time.

And I cracked. I couldn’t hold it together anymore.

I laid on my dog-hair-covered-floor in my messy living room with the television playing Baby Einstein for my eternally happy 9 month old and cried and cried and cried.

I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t pull myself out of it.

So I called my husband. He left work right then, came home, and hugged me while I cried and cried. He didn’t try to fix anything, he didn’t try to make me feel better by saying things like “it’s ok, we all feel this way sometimes.” He just held me. We even discussed the possibility of checking me into the hospital. It was so scary.

The reason why I’m telling you this is because I know I am not alone in feeling the weight of heavy things. I know I am not alone in feeling depressed. Or anxious. Or feeling unable to function at my normal level. I know life gets hard.

SO hard at times.

I know sometimes it feels too heavy.

And I know when it feels heavy and gets extra hard, we feel alone. 

And we shouldn’t feel alone.

I’ve always been someone who gathers strength and understanding through words. Here are some beautifully put together words that have given meaning and strength to me during my times of trial:

not all storms come to disrupt your life

you are surrounded right now

 

Must endure the burning.

lesson growth

faith mountains

You will face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle.

Being vulnerable and sharing this has not been easy. But it is my hope that showing my humanity will help someone at sometime.

Life is a challenge. It’s meant to be a challenge. We are meant to grow, and we grow when times are hard.

I feel much better today than I did last month. I am learning day by day how to slow down, how to rest {word of the year!} and how to ask for help.

Here’s to many more sunsets and sunrises on this pathway to growth.

2 Replies to “When Things Are Hard”

  1. I’ve been afraid most days of the past six years that this would happen to me. I’ve come close. I’ve had moments where I didn’t want to function and everything felt pointless but after the uncontrollable crying and writing out my thoughts, things “magically” felt better. I’ve been blessed. I’ve dreamed of a trip to the hospital as a vacation, which is hard to admit, but then I’ve thought of the kids and the pursue that would cause others and managed to pull out of it. Even though I have kept going through the stress of life and even one really bad, mostly terrible job where I was targeted and bullied by 14 year olds almost everyday (how embarrassing is that), I still wonder if it’s going to come. I try to slow down, but the pressures and responsibilities don’t. Right now is an okay time, but everyday it can vary.

    Like

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