I was busy in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner, not really involved in the conversation going on just a few feet away from me. Caleb, my second oldest son, was discussing with his siblings and father an idea he had. He wanted to play a fun new card game during dinner while we were all seated at the table.….and he nonchalantly said something that tore at my heart:

“We need to play this game because mom doesn’t laugh very much. It will be fun!”

He had no intentions of his words breaking my heart. None at all. But they did.

Because he was right.

I have not laughed much lately. Really for the past four years or so.

That’s a long time to not laugh.

Sure, there was the occasional chuckle, but I have had my head down and my brain running full-time about so many things, that laughter has come pretty darn close to last on my list. Heaven forbid I have FUN, I need to WORK! 

Horrible, right? It is. It really is.

Especially because if you knew me in high school or college, “fun” and “laughter” would probably have been two words you used to describe me. I was a fun girl! My laugh? SO CONTAGIOUS everyone laughed when I got going. For reals.

So where did that fun-loving, happy girl go? Well, she got caught up in the thick of thin things. She traveled a road that brought a heavy load with it and chose to carry that heavy load mostly by herself. She began living by the rule “work first, then play” but yet never seemed to get to the “play” part of things because work never seemed to stop.

This is the mother my children have known for the past 4 years. And I am actively working on changing that. I want to be the mother who laughs. Who is silly. I want to be the wife who has fun and enjoys spending time with my husband, exploring new places and discussing big exciting ideas.

While I’m still working on my 2018 word of the year {REST}, I have already decided what my word of the year for 2019 will be: LAUGHTER.

the body heals with play


I have been given a gift in this new path that has been placed before me. This path that I didn’t see coming. This path that felt hard and horrible and painful at first. But now I realize: it’s a gift. What would that gift be? A chance to do something different. An opportunity to take a new adventure.

I’ll be sure to travel this path and explore this adventure with a smile on my face and laughter in my heart. I’m so excited for this new journey!

I can’t wait to get my laughter back.

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